I am a 41 year old man with aspergers. The church is in dire need of those who understand autism. I have all but given up on attending chuches. I have tried multiple churches over the past 41 years and I am essentially accepted nowhere. People just think I am weird. I try to get involved in ministries and I get the cold shoulder. People will chew their arm off to get away from me. I really want to participate in a disciple study or some other detailed bible study but I can't. Churches just don't understand I don't talk. I can, i just don't too often. Nothing to say. The words ususally come a day late. My anxiety level is so high that many times I can not verbally pray around others. There is no small group that will put up with you if you don't share or pray, but they don't understand how important it is for me nonetheless.

I hope you succeed in your mission. There is a whole generation of us coming, we are not being incorpoarted and will be lost. We get the lip service, but not the actions.
Rant over.

Hi Pat,

It's late at night, and I really should be going to bed, but somehow I stumbled onto your website as I look for Christians who are also on the autism spectrum. My wife and I have 3 year old identical twin boys, both of whom are on the spectrum. Our younger one, Gabriel, was formally diagnosed today by our medical provider, and his brother Nathan will have his evaluation next Thursday by the same the panel.

We first received a medical assessment back 19+ months ago when they were only 18 1/2 months old. We chose not to get the medical evaluation for fear of it being a stain on their medical record. The assessment did recommend early intervention for them (here in Silicon Valley), so we went ahead and start reaping the benefits of the free resources until the age of 3 when we had to start paying out of pocket.

Both boys have made a lot of progress, but Gabriel was formally diagnosed with being moderately autistic on the path to being high-functioning. His biggest deficits are in the areas of functional social language, verbal and non-verbal social communication, and social reciprocity. His cognitive levels are solid, and he has a good vocabulary, but in social forums, he's clearly behind. His brother is a little better, but we fully expect him to receive a comparable diagnosis as well. We decided to go for the diagnosis now only because we simply can't afford the $5000/month out-of-pocket expenses required for our boys' therapy. We have a long way to go in getting the services required for our kids through our medical provider, but there is precedence, so we're banking on that.

I read your "Welcome to My World" entry, and I have the greatest sympathy for you and your family. We are going to be going through something similar in the coming years, though we're thankful we got the boys started early on their therapy. However, I read a line in the entry, "The first time I met with one of our pastors, he told me that God may be giving me this experience so that later I would be able to bring comfort to others who were going through the same thing." and I was stunned.

I've been hearing similar things from people on pastoral staffs, friends who are pastors, mature and godly believers, and I have to say, I can't help but passionately disagree with that comment. Not so much that this experience will allow you to help other people, but that your pastor stated, "God may be giving [you] this experience..."

Nothing could be further from the truth. That theological stance drives me absolutely insane...that's saying that God is the source of your son's Asperger and subsequent struggles. That then implies that God can dish out bad things to people. If that really is who God is...why should I spend my time studying about Him, sharing with people about my core beliefs, attend worship services, etc.? Why would I worship and follow a God who, based on your pastor's comment (and a lot of people's comments), is the source of pain?

I broached this subject with some of my mentors, my church's lead pastor included, and I was thankful that they didn't have a cliched, perfectly-shaped Christian answer for me. Nobody knows why our children have been afflicted with something this painful. Nobody knows why as parents, we have to suffer the indignity of having to make adjustment after adjustment (both in public and in private) to just get our children settled. I still don't know why both of my little boys are on the spectrum. I don't know how this will affect our future...my wife and I both felt called to some form of vocational ministry, but now we're clueless about how all this fits.

But I AM understanding one undying fact that one of my mentors made clear to me the other day. It is, perhaps, a more theologically and semantically correct way of restating when your pastor and my friends had been saying:

God WILL NOT waste our experiences. He WILL NOT let our pain and our suffering go to waste.

How that will manifest itself, I don't know. Perhaps it IS a ministry of sympathy and empathy to reach other families with special needs. I've stopped trying to figure it out simply because this no longer fits into the neat little box, and my brain isn't big enough to fully analyze things. I also do know that death and disease were never part of God's original plan.

I'm still learning about my children's disorders, and I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful because I have more than just the natural world (therapy) to fall back on...there's a supernatural component for me take advantage of. I'm grateful for a wife who also refuses to give up on our kids. We've got a long road ahead, but I'm learning again how to be grateful for a God who also refuses to give up on my two boys.

I recently had my first book published. It is titled: AUTISM IS A BLESSING. I talk about the journey my family has and is going through. I think it is so important to focus on the positive and what the blessings are even in the hardest of circumstances. Check it out at www.autismblessing.com. It is a great book especially for family's with newly diagnosed children, for teachers, therapists and anyone wanting to learn more about autism and what a family goes through especially after they hear "your child has autism". I just want to share the hope I have and how I have changed my attitude about autism. My son Charlie is such a HUGE blessing in my life. He has taught me so much through his autism.
Patty Myers
autismblessings@aol.com

I have a little boy, Joshua,who is 4 years old with severe autism. I could go into all of the details of his birth and how we found out about it, but perosonally, there is something greater to all of this...

I am honored that God choose my husband Jim and I to take care of a special needs child. In fact, I am so very thankfull each and every single day to see the new little flicker in his eyes all the time, knowing that in that "special needs body" there is a lovely little boy whom I love with all my heart.

So much so, I created my own peronal website about him, my Christian beliefs and ASD.

A Mother's Thoughts at a Kindergarten Christmas Play

She is so excited! Her first Kindergarten play, the Christmas play. I've heard about it for weeks now and heard her singing the songs as she plays. Now maybe she's the one who should be nervous, so why do I feel sick? I anxiously await her to take the stage and quietly say a prayer. I don't want her to freeze up. If she does she will be so disappointed. I want everyone else to see the beautiful person I know. Will it ever be time, no disrepect but move it along chorus. I want to see my girl. O'kay, here they come. HOw does she look? Is she o'kay? What is her body language saying to me, her hands? She seems o'kay. Thank goodness! Everyone's on stage, time to begin. What? Is that a smile? Are her lips moving? They are! I think words are coming out;she's singing! She's really doing it! My heart melts and emotions flood my soul. Song over. Shew! Made it through one, looking good. Second song begins. Still happy, still singing. As the songs come and go she seems a little distracted and will stop singing briefly then back on track. Halfway through now and she is squirmming but good. To the unknowing person it seems nothing, but I know she is trying not to flap her hands and it's hard. She's happy, she's overwhelmed. She keeps it together all the way through. Many times my eyes well with tears, my face with smiles and my mind with memories. Not too long ago this would've never happened. So many programs like these at church and preschool have been heartbreaking to watch and sometimes impossible to participate in. I am so proud! What's more is she is so proud! You may say it's just a kindergarten play, what's the big deal? Who's not proud of their kid? Who doesn't want them to do well? I guess everyone does. It is just so different for me, for us. It's a miracle whether you take it for one or not. I know where we've come from. My daughter is autistic. I'm sure you had no idea. Most people don't, but she is. Because of that many special memories like this haven't been a reality. I look at her tonight and think we made it! She made it! We survived but better yet she was awesome! I couldn't be prouder if she had just won president, which she just might so someday if the scientist thing doesn't work out. There are so many things when you look at her you can't see but tonight she let you see a glimpse of her. Not autism, her, because autism is just a small part of who she is. And she is Amazing!

Written after Christmas play 2009 about my daughter, Lilli who is a proud Aspie.

Let the little children come to me

Once my son, Paul, had been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, I couldn’t leave him anywhere. Not even church. One day, I bumped into the Sunday school teacher Paul had had the previous year, who asked me why she never saw him anymore. When I explained the situation to her, without a moment’ hesitation, she asked me to bring him to church the following week so she could watch him. To this day, I am amazed by the significance of that single act of obedience—turns out, it was the starting point of what was to become a huge ministry.

Sunday came, and Paul was happily reunited with Mrs. Rice in one of the empty classrooms at church. In the months that followed, she played games with him and taught him lessons from the AWANA book. One of the first verses he memorized was Ephesians 6:1, which he thought was: “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for Mrs. Rice,” instead of “for it is right.”

Let the little children come to me, said Jesus, and come they did. First Didi, then Ross, then Christina. That was 1996. Soon, one classroom spilled over into two, and it soon became a full-fledged ministry called Access Ministry. Thirteen years later, over 500 families touched by disability file through the doors of McLean Bible Church every weekend.

Until he left for college, Paul volunteered in Access. Here’s something he wrote in one of his college application essays: “I don’t have to think too hard or long to know what it’s like for those kids, because I was once just like them. So I do what I can to help them know that they’re not on some lonely planet in the left quadrant of the universe, and that I really do appreciate the many ways they show the inner workings of their enigmatic minds.

The other volunteers in the class often look over at me in amusement to see what I’m doing with the kids, whether it’s helping a boy build a cardboard structure only to watch him knock it down seconds later, or voluntarily crushing myself under a foam wedge while another kid lies on top of it. In a way, I’m an interpreter between the two worlds by helping volunteers connect with the students, and helping the students feel connected to the real world. At the end of each class, I feel good, even when I have had to physically suffer as an entertainer.

Most may not remember me years from now, but maybe a few will, just as I still remember the people who were kind and accepting of me when I was young. And people say autistics are not aware of their surroundings!”

But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Luke 14:13

How to cope with a learning disabled child and God’s help….

My son, Tryastan was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which is a high functioning form of autism, this year. He has just turned six. For all these years, prior to his diagnosis, I had battled with several aspects of his life which many doctors diagnosed incorrectly. I have three older children and they were normal in every way so having your fourth child diagnosed with a disability is quite a shock to the system.

Tryastan presented with several problems. He never sleeps through the night. He can quite easily survive on 2 – 3 hours sleep a night. He has the amazing ability to copy accents and has the American accent down to a tee, his Australian accent is also quite good. Tryastan at the age of 5 had an encyclopedic knowledge of dinosaurs. I was told by all his pre-school teachers that he was very intelligent yet there was always something missing. He would not easily play with other children and he battled to learn lessons no matter how I taught him and how often I told him right from wrong. He would easily walk in front of a moving car without the fear of being knocked down. The sound of a flushing toilet would sent him into a state of shock, he was adamant the noise was too loud.

Eventually out of pure desperation and my wanting to do the best I could for him I took him to an amazing Education Psychologist who diagnosed him with Aspergers, although I had previously being told by one of the pediatricians that I had gone to that he was autistic, I went into immediate denial.

How do you feel when you are told that you have a child with a medical condition that requires him to go to a “special school” and that your whole way of dealing with him has to change? I can tell you that it feels like a jumbo jet has landed on your body and has crushed the life out of you.. That is when you have to realize the following 4 things :

1. God blessed you with this child.

Every child is a blessing from God. He knows us and our every move and word from the time we are conceived in the womb. He knew that Tryastan had a disability. Children are given to us to look after and nuture and help grow. We are obliged to do our best for them and to train them in God’s ways and truth. The fact that God knew Tryastan in the womb and knitted him together with his disability amazed me. He made Tryastan unique, He made him! He knew that I would be his mother, not someone else – me! What an honour to believe that God felt me deserving of a disabled child, He knows that I have the qualities to look after him, I just had to believe that myself.

2. Don’t ever question God’s methods and reasons.

I have never asked God why. What makes me so unique that I should not get a learning disabled child? Does that mean that my neighbor or friend is more deserving? No, I am. God’s children with disabilities and hindrances in their lives are special to Him. They are given to those who He knows will be able to cope with them. I firmly believe that when we meet Him, we will be questioned on how we managed with the gifts He gave us. It does not have to be a disabled child, we are all given gifts and it is our responsibility to use them to our best ability and to His purposes. Realise that you are blessed richly to receive this gift. It is not a curse. Non-Christian people have said “shame” and “how did that happen?” to me. It is not a shame and what does it matter how it happened, it is God’s purpose for me and Tryastan so why question Him? Is He not that much more wiser than us?

3. It is hard work.

Let me tell you that raising a disabled child is hard work. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t feel like giving up, but God is always there to give me strength and to pick me up when I am down. I sometimes go to bed utterly exhausted and feel like I could have done better, but I am a child of God and He alone gives me the strength to cope and I feel that as long as I have done things in line with His word and with His help and guidance, who am I to question. None of us is perfect, we are all human and have to plod though trials and tribulations that come our way in the best way we can. When I feel that I am an utter failure, God gently reminds me that He still loves me and that I must rely on Him to get me through the daily trials I face.

4. Be grateful for daily blessings.

Each and every day is special. Tryastan is a special child and there is something every day that he has either learnt or has done that have amazed me. We need to look at the positives in our lives and focus on them instead of the negatives. Everything Tryastan learns is an achievement to me, and I again thank God for these daily little miracles in his life.

I just want to encourage those out there who have children with disabilities, God is the answer to your frustration. He wants you to do the best for your child and has already given you the tools necessary to do this. A disabled child is not born with a manual on how to cope with them. They come into this world to parents who already have that knowledge inside them. You do not need to study for a degree of how to raise a disabled child, they do not come with a “How To” instruction manual – God is your instruction manual.

I thank God for a supportive husband, a caring and supportive family and for the amazing school He has placed Tryastan in. They are Christian based and have already made massive progress in Tryastan’s life.

Thank you God for all the people in our support system, and I pray that all parents out there with a disabled child or children draw on You for strength and that they realise what a blessing it is to have being given a special child to look after . Thank you Lord!

From Heidi 

No, I'm not a mother with an autistic child, I am a father with two autistic children. You didn't ask for my story but I am submitting two links anyway.

http://seanmacnair.blogspot.com/2006/01/fathers-story.html
http://seanmacnair.blogspot.com/2009/09/blog-post.html

These stories represent two sides of the same coin, and are as honest as I can possibly get.

Sean MacNair